Thursday, November 17, 2005

Couldn't Care Less?

I'm not so sure how to start this... but I'm wondering about something recently... something to do with how one deals with certain situations.. to get to the point, for some reason my surprise level has gone down... that is to say that hardly anything takes me by surprise as much as it used to before. I think surprises used to frighten me... especially when I'm awaiting something bad to happen... so I make an effort to block it out.... and now I think I achieved that to the extreme... so much that I barely care for anything unusual that happens now... to give an idea of what I'm talking about... I'll share them under:

*Yesterday we got our one month school report that shows how we were doing for the first month... a report that basically reflects nothing but how we are in class... in other words most of the marks weren't counted and it was just to keep us awake. Knowing that... I received my report in class and saw that the average was unusually low compared to the marks shown above... I got As in most subjects and the average showed somethin bellow 70... I look around and see all the girls gasping... clearly mine was not the only one that had a mistake... to some it was so shocking that they actually cried... to others it was very worrying... to me!!!! I just sat there staring at it for a while completely expressionless... without any particular feeling... ofcourse I knew the mistake afterwards... instead of counting the average they divided by ten... some teachers must've been daydreaming while typing this... there I see the relief it gave everyone... and the empty effect it gave me... everyone else went ballistic about marks that didn't even COUNT!!!... and that had no effect on me... and I must say i didn't exactly get the best of marks... and seeing some worried about marks they got BETTER made me really wonder and kinda feel bad... seemed like I was the only one not taking matters seriously for now... and still it is the same case.. so anyone who comes whining to me kinda gets on my nerves once in a while... cuz to me what's not counted won't hurt.... yet seeing everyone else I started feeling a bit inferior... not like that wasn't always the case... but I start feeling worried about this carelessness I have...

Now I feel weird... I don't know whether it's good or bad to be this way... but it's a sudden switch ... I can't help to think it might have a negative effect... not to care less.... I do hate being worried... but not being worried at all is something I wish I could change especially when it comes to my studies... it's there and I know it... what confuses me is I'm speaking of being worried of NOT being worried :os :os.... and now somehow I get the impression I'm not making any sense... oh well

just mixed feelings I guess.... when do they ever make sense?

2 comments:

AtGm said...

I'd think that you being in a position to wonder about. Is enough proof that you are taking things normally, yet with a different approach.

TripleTee said...

ahh... true :os...
maybe I should just change my approach...
however that's enlightening... thnx :)