90 Day Challenge Nutrition Plan

I designed this one for the busy stressed out hustler who doesn't have the time or mindset to cook for ages just to get the proportions and calories right. These recipes are what I found to require the least effort without succumbing to take-aways or unhealthy alternatives. 

The 90 day challenge I designed was for myself, but everyone is welcome to download these. There are also empty templates at your disposal, if low-carb is not your thing. 

The meals are obvious from their names, assuming the person reading them knows the basics of cooking or food. All the meals that have a picture next to them are the more complicated ones (by complicated meaning not obvious) with recipes below. Otherwise let your imagination run wild. ( if you wish to follow this plan, add low carb recipes). 

This + intermittent fasting is, I believe, all you need without having to resort to calorie-counting, or hours of cooking. 

10 Days worth of easy meals (all different) that can be mixed and matched. Spread into 90 days for the challenge, add more recipes in the empty templates for your own use. 

Download here

The calories are only mentioned for the purpose of not eating less than your BMR (what your body burns at rest). In my case it's 1440 cals a day. Eating less than that would trigger survival mode and mess up your metabolism. You will burn less calories than your potential, so do not resort to extreme diets. 

#nutritiongoals #dietplan #lowcarb #90daychallenge 

Beauty is within the Eye of the Beholder?

To my readers: This is based on beauty and the superficial alone without regarding intellect, behavior or any other aspects that contribute to attractiveness. This is a journal about the superficial, which is also important.

'Beauty is within the eye of the beholder' is the biggest cliche and yet the most accurate description of the concept of beauty. In my observation of different cultures and through living in the moderately-sized city of Cologne, I found one definition to be true. I will tell you what it is before the end of this journal, but before getting there I have to state the process that gave me the answer and that I think every young person beating themselves up in our modern society (and on Instagram) should know. For those who do not wish to read the long reasons behind the answer, you can go straight to the answer marked below and think for yourself at what level it was proven true in your own life experience. 

You are also welcome to read my personal study in this journal.

How beauty is perceived is completely different from your standard model.The superficial society would look at a tall, slender, long-haired, symmetrical woman and categorize her as beautiful. It would also look at a muscular, well-trained, symmetrical, tall man with a beard nowadays, enough hair on his head and categorize him as handsome. While these attributes may be true to the average person (it's what defines standard beauty), there are other points of observation that we have completely ignored in our obsession to fulfill what mainstream culture dictates (no, I'm not talking about personality or the whole package deal... this journal is completely about outer appearance. I am discussing the superficial because it is important to discuss) 

These points that had nothing to do with standard beauty happened to me more than once. For example, when I was chatted up by those I believed to be out of my league, which confused me (I am not your conventional standard beauty) or when I heard comments like 'your hair is like my sister's'. They proved that there was something else I was ignoring that negated standard beauty altogether (I am not talking about personality even though it is a part of it, it is not the compensation that you believe it is). That's why I think it's important to share it, especially to models or young people trying to reach perfection in a superficial city.

Did you ever see a couple together, where he or she is attractive, and the other one is not? You automatically think of all the other possibilities of why these two came together, whether you admit it or not, you do. In some cases you would be right.

They include reasons such as: the other one probably had a great personality, or... the other one's rich, maybe an arranged marriage or the attractive one has low self-esteem. 

   If it's a woman, many think she's sick of immaturity and chose to settle for someone who may not be a model but is decent. Even though this case happens to men too. Parts of these arguments may be true (especially if the other person barely ever makes an effort to be presentable, it increases the likelihood of these thoughts). However, If we are judging someone who is just average in standard beauty in comparison:

 - these points may be completely wrong because all these arguments function under the assumption that it cannot be the other person's outer appearance that attracted him/her in the first place. It's because we never understood perceived beauty. Are you starting to understand the definition of beauty that I am getting at? 

It's not a cliche answer, it's a psychological one that will apply to each and every one of you. The first indication of it is when you find someone attractive (who may even match the standard beauty category) that completely does not agree with your friend's perception. That's when they use the phrase 'They're ok, they're just not my type.' 

How often did that happen to you and made you wonder how your friend could disagree?

 To understand what qualifies me: As someone who is a keen observer of people, I had perceived my surroundings as my personal social window to understanding them 'based on their decisions'. I have been doing this for years, and concluding the patterns, because that's where the answers lie. Anyone who knows me would know about Thuraya's weird social interactions. I had to admit that I was convinced of the mainstream ideology, and believed that if I trained more, grew my hair longer and fixed my imperfections, I would be more desirable and 'finally' beautiful (all my other beautiful aspects didn't count when there was a part of me I didn't like. I know many reading this know what I'm talking about). By the way, yes, obviously I would be more desirable! I am not negating any of that and I think anyone who does is living in denial. Working on your appearance is never a minus. I am not a poor ugly soul with a personal agenda of trying to convince the world to accept me or accept themselves. I do believe in and love the power of beauty (and yes I do value intellect, but for the sake of argument let us focus on the superficial. It's what this journal is about). I know I could find beauty in me, but I've gone through the failed experience of trying to be 'perfect'... which everyone knows does not end well, yet they still strive for it because it's better than doing nothing about it. Right?

Through that, their confidence is shattered when they believe they're failing or having a bad day, some even blaming it on their hormones, but the actual fact is, you are following an ideal that doesn't exist, and you're failing at it because the moment someone does not find you as attractive as someone else, you question your beauty and start from 0, requiring your friends to build your confidence back up again by telling you to ignore people like that etc. (it makes you feel a little better, but the fundamental problem is still there, and all you're thinking is, I'll work harder to prove them wrong)

 As someone who passed that stage of worry and finally gained confidence that seized to be affected by mainstream beauty, that is exactly what I want to address, because it's a misunderstanding of beauty's concept. That's why I think anyone going through this now needs to read this.  I am not writing this because I got myself out of the 'game' and accepted myself the way I am. That again, is ridiculous none-sense and another misconception. People who strive to be better are not going to just accept themselves and stop improving, nor should you. It's a lazy excuse.

The answer: 

The mainstream expectations are true... but (I cannot emphasize this enough) only to a certain extent. That is because there is a difference between mainstream beauty and perceived beauty. 

'If someone's perceived beauty is different from the mainstream, it overrules it.' 

Yes. Why? And why does it negate mainstream beauty? Because of this quote that I experimented on. It is from Sherlock. I was always a fan of the books, but this quote explained something crucial I observed as a pattern. 

Definition:

"Beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, influences and role models"

I tried applying this quote to myself and thought of all the people I believed were attractive or beautiful. Who did they resemble to me? Did they resemble people I grew up idolizing as a kid? Or people I was amazed by? The answer was yes. What amazed me in them were reasons other than appearance, but their appearance makes us associate people that look like them with them. Make sense?

If I was amazed by an uncle as a kid, or my parents, or by friends, or by friends of friends, chances are I will find people that look like them or have similar appearance features very attractive. They become the familiar. On the other hand if I found certain people disturbing as a kid, those who did not give me a good impression, I will find people that look different to them appealing. Think of that.  (Please remember to leave personality out of the people you know today when you are testing this theory. This is about beauty. 

Think of people that made an impression on you as a kid. People you idolized. You are allowed to think of personality here, that's what creates our first impressions as kids. Then tell me if those you find physically beautiful today resemble the admired ones of your past in any way. That's when you have your answer)

P.S. some of you may not have grown up with idols. You're the ones who are not attracted to specific types. But you will, because you're experiencing it still. 

Of course there are other aspects to beauty that have to do with aging that also applies to everyone, including the fact that our perceptions change. But that's a discussion for a another time.

Test that on yourself and gladly leave a comment.

___

My conclusion to all our youth in our modern age trying their best to reach for the stars and losing confidence in their appearance no matter what they do. Men and women that require constant outside validation. This is for you. This is the formula you should think about because mainstream will only help you to a certain level. It will however, shatter you if it is all the feedback that you rely on in the beauty world. The one you want to attract already has a perceived type of appearance they find attractive. If you do not resemble that type (I am not talking about being overweight and not caring for yourself... that you can change... sometimes you don't even have to, but for health reasons, should) I'm talking about those who already work hard on themselves, even though you work on your appearance and have reached a reasonable level, nothing you do with it (speaking superficially) will change his/her perception if they do not respond positively at that point (you could focus on other aspects at this point and stop blaming your appearance). There is no sense in believing you are not pretty or handsome, because this study proves that it is not about that, it is about that person's perception. If they do react positively, then take it as a given that you are their type and don't obsess over it. This is the time to work on personality instead.

 You may be appealing to one but completely not appealing to another, no matter how well trained and groomed you are. Master this formula, and superficial rejection will never affect you the same way again (unless it happens that often when people don't show any interest before knowing you, then revise the reasons). One person's perception is rarely about your overall beauty value. It is more about their own perceived beauty. You may not attract one person at some point in life, but you are going to thank the bejesus out of your genes for making you appealing to someone else that you admire. That's the beauty formula that should make you embrace who you are and work with it.

As Matthew Hussey said: 'I know that not everyone is my audience, that does not mean that I am not a good public speaker, it just means that not everyone is my audience.'

If anything, I hope this is what you take away from this.

Your social observer,

Thuraiya 

#beautydefinition #confidence #beauty #study #instagram #models

Capitalism Vs Alain de Botton

There's a subject I've been tackling in my head about achieving life goals. I wish to tackle it here so that my mind gets a bit more rest.

I am going to compare and contrast the mindset of achieving goals between Capitalistic Mindsets (Romantic? Idealistic) and Alain de Botton's Seminar on Pessimism.
The Capitalistic world has people working their guts out to reach their materialistic goals, because they believe that is how they'll get love and a perfect life.
To some extent.... I believe it to be true. High achievers (or relatives of them) do have a better quality life (why dismiss that fact?). They're not content with it, but that's a different discussion. Now in our population of 8 Billion people in this world, how many of us would actually be able to reach a content life? It was never a problem before,
1. Because there weren't so many of us before and
2. We didn't have crazy expectations like before Capitalism and consumer culture reached its height.
3.The goal was to survive, being happy was for heaven.

That's what helped create Philosophers such as Alain de Botton, to try and shed light onto what is really going on and how to remoderate the constant discontent and unhappiness as well as the overwhelming pressure of achieving what Capitalism has brought unto us. So yes, I am aware of the necessity of moderation.
However, I am too far into the game to stop. Because going back is a life I do not wish to live. And the dreams I wanted to reach are a grasp away. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for them. I know romantics exaggerate everything but it is also a part of the truth, that constant optimism and trying and retrying achieved wonders... what is the goal of trying to convince otherwise?

I wish I could have a discussion with Alain de Botton on how he proposes the future mindset should be in answer to the Capital mayhem happening today. I cannot stop and be content with what I have because I know it is not what will make me happy. Reaching my goals will make me happy. That is the case with everyone. As long as those goals aren't deluded. And you would be surprised with how humble most people are in everything except in matters of love. We actually do not need much.


I actually always thought there are too many of us anyway.... survival of the fittest happens in other levels aside from the jungle. Communism wanted to put a stop to that so everyone is content. But we all know how that went... I do believe Alain de Botton is doing the world a favor, and he speaks the truth. I am someone who actually believes in the Merit system. Botton's point is that it will never be fair because there will always be those who are undeserving of the merits that they get. I agree, but doesn't that mean we should work harder to eventually outdo them?

This is mind wrecking.... I do not like not having answers. This'll be it for now.

A Matter of the Soul

A note to myself.
So as I am not in the mood to finish writing my Term-paper at the moment I thought I'll use the time to write myself a short note. It's my take on what a Soul is and how it functions. Inspired by a book called 'Pandora's Brain' by Calum Chace. I've come to the conclusion that the Soul does not exist as an independent entity. (To some a shock, to others a given)
So the question arised, if this statement were true, what makes us who we are? The answer is it is all in the brain (the most complex organ in the body, for a reason) how we are is decided by our brain, our personalities, reactions, impulses, likes and dislikes...everything. It's all determined by how the neurons in our brain are connected to each other. So if they were to be connected differently we would no longer be us but someone else.

So in short, what does that mean?
It means that these neurons are activated when we're alive and functioning. The moment our organs no longer cooperate, we lose the connection and get deactivated. The electric waves in our brain...the neurons get deactivated too... resulting in our deaths (non-existance)

The bad news is... there is no soul left behind floating... however the good news is... if the connection of the neurons in our brains and the construction of our brain could be copied into a different body...we could be brought back to life. Ofcourse all this is explained in simple terms... it's far more complex than that but I believe I got the gist of it.

Till my next note...

Love/Life Coach (Matthew Hussey)

   Literally, the most learned, logical and intelligent guru I've come across, which is the reason he's successful I believe. This is not a post to promote Matthew Hussey, it's a post to project my thoughts on his views and what I learnt from him (which by the way I still only partly apply where I can in real life... shame on me, because I am momentarily in a learning process and in the wrong situation)

 The reason I am able to relate to Matthew is because I faced very similar situations to him, as a child, in the way I thought. The difference is, he managed to make something out of the lessons he learned and I got stuck in a loop not being able to get out of it because I had to get over many obstacles in my life first (not an excuse, it's what Arab girls have to go through, though I must admit, in comparison to many I consider myself privileged).
   One of the similar stages I went through was when I started writing my own novel. In one of his Youtube videos, Matthew mentioned wanting to be original and therefore not polluting his own originality by reading other books. I had the exact same thoughts when writing my fantasy novel 'The Exes', and I was 16 at the time. I was afraid to use other ideas because I was worried I would be accused of plagiarizing. Moreover, I wanted my story to be exclusive. I do not regret it, I mention this because I was literally surprised at Matthew's comments, that he was thinking the same way.

   Another thought is him analyzing the teenage mentality, that teenagers at some stage worry so much about what others think that they try to fit into the perceived ideals in school. It wasn't as bad as that in my school but it was still noticeable. If I went back to school (with the adult mind I have now), I do not think I would have been popular either way, because I would not be dealing with mature adults to begin with. Matt might have a different opinion but I feel the environment you live in has a way of slightly forcing you to adapt in order to avoid conflict. That was one of my problems. I resent unnecessary conflict, especially those concerned with my own personal life and me constantly having to justify what I'm doing or why I do what I do, especially in the Arab world. There is a slight difference in culture here, since this may not be an issue in the west. People do whatever they feel like doing and when they misbehave they are given genuine reasons why it is not ok to act in a certain way (e.g. because it hurts people, because it's not polite, because it's counter-productive, because you won't grow from it...etc.) I consider all those good reasons not to do something. The moment one says, (because people will say this about you,  because you have to remain low-profile, because the culture looks down on such things, because you are the soul person responsible for your family's reputation), that is when you shut down. It gives no way to opinion, you may have an opinion but you are not allowed to act on it.

   I know I think independently, and this sort of resentment builds up in someone who constantly has to play pretend, But that is not what this post is about. It's about the psychological effect this creates when one is forced within a long period of time. You get scared internally so that even when you are no longer in that environment, you are psychologically programmed to still believe that other people's opinions hold high value. You become your own prison. This happened to me.... me... the person I thought thinks independently. At least I thought I did. I realized I was pulled into a situation I did not want to and most importantly (did not need to) be in, simply because I was scared of conflict and what someone else may think. Now I am momentarily stuck and the resentment is building up in me again.
   I wanted this to be an eye-opener to anyone stuck in a loop. Do not believe that holding low profile until the time is right would not affect you in the long run. It is important to be aware of that, because it's something the west cannot relate to. It is the environment Arabs live in due to the rules in their culture. You are a still developing country, you are 100 years back in some respects whether you wish to admit it or not. And it is not just women who are forced to adapt but men too.

   Matt is sadly hard to reach from a distance but his rules of achieving core confidence is something I still have to learn.
I  just felt like writing this personal note to myself.

Good day to you all.

Artificial General Intelligence (AGI)

This is the second post regarding this topic. Whatever I write here has more to do with getting my thoughts straight than actually holding any arguments for or against.

Let's just say writing it down helps me keep track of my thoughts.

 I remember complaining about people who believed in robots that would be able to do as humans do and perhaps overrule them one day. I believed the speculation to be ridiculous. Reasons for that were basically the fact that they needed to be programmed by humans in the first place. Programming is basically a set of calculated formulas or codes that give out orders for the machine to carry out. I find the word calculated to be crucial here. To me humans have too much of a free will to be calculated. That is not how we seemed to function to me until my brother mentioned that maybe we (humans) are programmed as well. In the beginning my reaction was 'what in the blazes are you saying we're programmed?' I'm trying to lead a reasonable conversation here. Then it dawned on me.... genetic coding? Are we genetically programmed to act the way we do?

And if that is true, does that mean that our free will (decisions and choices) is limited? Is there only so much we can wish for? Or is our free will infinite? Or we ourselves biological robots?

I could wish for anything that could randomly pop up in my head right now. But perhaps the only things that would pop up are memories already registered. I could wish to jump like a frog, or be burried underground deep under the ocean, or wriggle like a scubbledubble (whatever that is). Or I could try wishing for something no human wished for before by being creative..skwiggle like a skiddlefiddle.  Just for the heck of it... just because I can. Or were those wishes programmed into me as well? Let's say my choices are finite and I would then not be able to wish for something I know nothing of... what I mentioned here were just word games and bringing letters together to form an unknown word. Again, nothing special. 

We apparently don't get born with a blank page waiting to be filled with experience but rather as a negative waiting to be produced to bring out the picture. To me that does make more sense...What if that means that all the choices we make or don't make are all a set of probabilities? What happens in me when I say to myself "My mind tells me to do this but my heart tells me otherwise"..Is it a mystery or simply a complicated thought process all stimulated by the mind? Why do I sometimes feel sad and not know how or where it's coming from? Does that mean I can actually control who I love? Or am I genetically programmed to love only certain types of people who meet my genetically preferred criteria? Or would anyone else manage to make me love them if they find out what the genetic formula built in me is? Perhaps love is not unpredictable as people think. 

Does a variety in choices and personalities necessarily negate this phenomenon? Or does it simply mean that the genetic coding in their bloodline developed differently from mine?

Does everything I do and say have a historical ancestory background? (Which means I would not be able to pull off anything my ancestors haven't pulled off before because it is not a part of my genetic code. And that the only evolution and progress I make becomes more apparent and developed due to the intermingling of different races (thus genetics)..which create new formulas, which render humans either more developed by time, but not in the meantime. Therefore we are a complex embodiment of codes.... codes that developed throughout millions of years. Civilisations lived and died to come to our point today. 

If our codings and choices truly are finite.... then I find it not at all impossible to create a digital equivalent. only instead of using food for fuel it would be using electricity. And maybe... just maybe. Once a formula could be thought of that understands the concept of our free will (that is) probability... a robot might be given estimations of its own. Which is only theoretically possible if it undergoes growing up and learning in time...just like we do. Am I beginning to understand the concept? ... Are robots beginning to sound more human?

Suddenly I'm thinking it's possible. Though the fact of our very being, our existence, our individuality. If that could truly be preserved by uploading our minds as Calum Chace imaginatively describes. If my sense of existence only comes to life if my individual neurons remain actively intact the way they always were. ... then perhaps I could be digitally reborn. Perhaps my brain neurons are as unique to me as my fingerprints. 

Perhaps there could be two of me.... this thought still needs to be processed in my head. 

Independent Artificial Intelligence

  Yes, I do believe Robots and the machine would be developed to assist Mankind to a certain degree (Or harm depending on how the machines are used), but for the last time and for the love of Pete my fellow humans, they will not develop their own sense of judgement or feelings. It is technically impossible, because the command: go out in the world and learn. Is too vague a command to give a machine. It is not the way the formulas work. Programmers can pitch in here as they like and explain the process if I failed to. 

  If you wish to give a robot the command to go out and learn (so that it would develop as a human), you'll also have to define the command 'learn'. What does learning entail? How will it be programmed to learn? If you program the machine to pick the right choice, there will have to be a set of rules it would have to be programmed on in order to make its decision. These rules are calculated, not blindly (randomly) picked through intuition (because that sort of thing cannot be instilled in a machine)(unless the commmand was pick randomly, but even then there is certain to be a probability formula involved)... not only because machines are technical material.. but because we humans ourselves do not know what feelings are or where they come from. 

I believe feelings come from the brain...and that the brain is a complex organ that still needs to be studied. But until the complexity of feelings is cracked, robots will not feel. End of story. 

Robots will calculate and be programmed to possess human-like qualities. But these qualities will be programmed qualities instilled into them by humans. Of course one would like to believe otherwise... humans never sieze to dream but well... try to be logical about it.

I just rolled my eyes enough in the past few weeks. I had to express my annoyance here.

A Question of the Soul

Before a few months I've had to undergo some sort of X-ray to check out whether I had any infections in the stomach and so on. That was the first time I've been put under anesthesia. The first time I experienced....nothing. Literally nothing, other than perhaps a few hints of what had been done to me by the time I woke up.
All I remember was hearing the Doctor say, 'and now...sweet dreams to you... 1...2...3..' and I was still there...or was I? I asked her... yes??? 1...2...3 what? (they were just standing there, so I asked)...what's supposed to happen?
I don't know whether the question baffled them, but they didn't answer until I asked: 'When's the X-ray going to begin?'
The nurse said: 'We're already done with the X-ray' And I go like...'what?? but I was awake the whole time.' After which she says: 'No you've been under anesthesia'

I understood the magnificence of this discovery of surgical anesthetics in 1846. Before, surgeries used to be performed without, which is a scenario I don't even want to imagine. So humour me for a moment when I start putting 1 and 1 together. Why is it that I felt nothing? Did I experience non-existence?
It was definitely not sleeping. It was a mock death. Not only because of the biological procedures that were being undertaken, but because the very aspect of time is negated. I did not feel myself go to sleep and wake up. I felt as if that very portion of time they used to X-ray me, was almost non-existent. Does that mean that time only exists when we do? And being dead would then mean, that time no longer is....

I ask you to humour me because it made me wonder. Just for the sake of argument lest any religious lunatic read this blog. It's always been a question whether the soul existed and was a seperate entity from the biological body. When they 'anesthetized' me, why did I not feel my existence, had I had a soul? The anesthesia is supposed to work biologically... not spiritually. So not being able to feel myself's existence at all..
Is it a hint that perhaps the soul does not exist?
Or would the religious argue that it did affect my soul?
Or would you say souls disappear with your consciousness?

I know no one can answer this philosophical search for the meaning of life. But I feel a part of the answer lies within the anesthetics. 

The Red Viper Vs The Mountain (Spoiler!!)

   If anyone here watches The Game of Thrones, do share your thoughts. I was desperate yesterday for another opinion, only not many here watch it. It is by all means no series for the weak-hearted. But I must admit that the last scene was far from what I expected. I never expected Oberyn Martell to ever lose... but I guess that was the whole point, wasn't it? To cleverly mislead us. Although I did think in the end that anyone with that sort of confidence in real life wouldn't achieve good results, no matter how good he is.

Well yes he was good, far better than The Mountain as a fighter. But rather careless wasn't he? And so close to ending the injustices too... Didn't that just make you slam something?

No movie or series ever shocked me this much. I literally sat there after the end of the last scene... just silently trying to comprehend what I just thought happened. I sincerely kept thinking, there must have been a mistake. But the author truly wants to show us a world full of unfairness and misery. This scene didn't only shock me because of the horrific effects they displayed in it (brilliant by the way!!! Very real!!).... but because I thought in these pagan days such things really did happen. Though fiction, this story has immense tastes of reality. So yes, I sat there for what felt like 10 minutes perhaps. I liked Martell, so that was a complete disappointment.
What did you think? 

The New Sherlock Holmes

One of my favourite childhood stories and an intimidating detective. Of course nothing beats the books, and I am usually a fan of the old times, but here BBC broadcasts another amazing version of Sherlock. And funny enough it's a version I grew fond of, despite it being set in the 21st century.

I started wondering if this was a work of fiction or if the "science of deduction" really does work. Did Doyle research the procedures? Was he a genius himself? Insanely enough, the theories, if one thinks about it, according to the chain of "small" evidences, really do make sense. It makes me wonder sometimes, did actual detectives think of setting themselves to Doyle's way of thinking? Or would you say these are just the lunatic dreams of a fan, and things in the real world work differently?
Well my impression is, that though a lot of events in his stories don't usually happen in real life, the deductions and hints of where someone should look for clues in a crime scene (the little things being what matters) are real to me.

Did anyone ever try measuring a person's height from the length of his/her stride?

Well, I've never really given it much thought before but it is food for thought.

I also find it curious that this blog is being read by the most unlikely readers. It kind of motivated me to get back on track. So I guess I'm back :)

Till the next post.

Updates

   Not only has it been a while since I posted in this long-lived diary/journal, but a lot of things have changed since then. I remember the first time I started this blog was when I was around 18. Now I'm 26. Although the last 4 years were not active one may say. So what has changed?

   Well for one, the English Sabla died out *which was the forum that started me off blogging in the first place*, old members are gone and the new ones have no agendas to lead cyber wars against each other. In other words, it has underlined the definition of complete and utter boredom with the whole concept of forums. 

  For another, I've pretty much either forgotten my once well learned English or I've developed a new way of expressing myself , since studying other languages tends to have that effect on you. I guess the readers are the better judges, but do not be surprised if the writing style has developed in a most awkward way. I've been busying myself with German for the past year. 

   For yet another change, I've finally figured out how the world works out here. And believe me, living as an independent student abroad will show you a thing or two about life in general. And the more you experience the more you realize how vital it was to have experienced what you experienced. And the more you realize what a vital stage it was, the angrier it'll make you for not having had the chance to have experienced it earlier. Then the further you go with your chain of thoughts, the more you'll realize what your parents must have gone through to make your current lives possible. And that's where you just stop with an exclamation mark in that bubble above your head. 

   I've a few more minutes before I have to go... this was just a way to pass my waiting time. All in all, all's well here :) that is assuming there are still readers on this blog at all *highly doubt it* .. but it's nice to save such journals nonetheless, don't you agree?

-Thuraya

Inspiration Renewed (Tolkien's Brilliance)

Here's a background on my most favored author that most people do not know. Anyone who read his books and watched the movies not knowing its history would not do it justice. So I have taken the liberty of posting it here for anyone interested.

I have always been a big fan of J.R.R.Tolkien's novels but not until today did I find out what made his stories so mind boggling. If I were to write a paper praising his profound ideas and intentions I could write books on it. It was rare to see someone embedded with what I would consider true Christian values whether I believed in them or not, and even though many might not agree with the fact that his stories proved to be the best, no one could deny that they were and still are the most original and most creative works of all time, because that is what they are.

J.R.R. Tolkien was a professor of ancient languages and mythology in Oxford University. He started writing his first novel 'The Hobbit' at around 1925 with his first lines 'In a hole in the ground there lives a hobbit'. Little did he know that that was going to be the start of a long journey to the trilogy of 'Lord of the Rings' and the most favored fantasy novel to many.

I first read 'The Hobbit' and 'Lord of the Rings' when I was 11 years old. My brother introduced them to me as being his favorite books and as a younger sister who grew accustomed to copying him, I of course aimed to read them too. That was the first inspiration I received to becoming an author myself. My goals however similar were still completely different, and only recently did I find out how different they were. The dreams I had of creating a fantasy world of my own were mere artistic and inventive hopes of an artist who would do it for pleasure and self-satisfaction. The world Tolkien created was made to become a practiced culture that England would take as a base for English Mythology and Literature. He wanted to give England and the English language a rich history because he was disappointed that English back then had no substance or long background or real culture for that matter. It used to be a primitive language spoken by the commoner where French used to be the prestigious one before the rise of the Shakespearean era.

Tolkien did not create a mere story. He created history, and culture that was supposed to have happened at a given point of a given time. For that was the way his books were written. They were written chronologically as historical documents. The stories of Middle-Earth were supposed to have happened during the pagan pre-Christian age that had long been forgotten by mankind. And all that was made believable despite the surreal elements added to it. 'The Hobbit' and the 'Lord of the Rings' are fantasy stories. They did not happen in the past, but the fundamental ideas of them did. Just as the fundamental ideas of Greek Mythologies such as Homer's Iliad and Odyssey, Virgil's Aeneid and every other myth told before that were believed to be true.

That is because the general stories and wars did happen. We are sitting here today because our forefathers fought and risked their lives for the lives we now live. That was the allegory and essence of the history of Middle-Earth. That is what fascinated me even more. I was not reading the works of a mere fantasy but the very heart of a pagan, heroic humanity.

The difference in cultures and art of each ethnic background he created. The languages were real languages he invented from scratch, they were not mere gibberish.

To think that such a world and all its details could be created and brought together by one man which naturally would have taken civilizations to develop, reflected J.R.R.Tolkien's brilliance.

I am now convinced that the idol I chose to follow was better than I could have hoped for.

Even though my goals differ in matter and in manner, and whatever I chose to create would never hold anything to Tolkien's historical legends, I nevertheless hope to make my stories as authentic as he had made his.

I am also glad I got the chance to base my Batchelor's project on his works. This post was written as a result of that. lol.

My Finally Remembered Reoccurring Dream

I just woke up from the most insane dream and though I usually forget most my dreams I was fortunate enough to remember this one. This is going to be a little complicated to explain and the only place I could think of saving it is here.

Now I guess I know from Inception that when you appear in a dream you never know how you get there XD.

I don't remember the very beginning but I do remember my stepfamily were around and we were taking them site seeing to a place I knew very well. It's not just because I happen to know it very well in the dream... I really do know it well because I dreamed about that place so many times before and it keeps reoccurring in most my dreams. I am thrilled now that I remember some of the details.

The place I'm talking about is not pleasant orrr safe. It's dark, it's in a sort of large cave and it's extremely dangerous, but then again it's not just a cave like al-hoota or anything... it's somewhere between a mine with a lot of metalwork and Moria (if anyone ever watched lotr), to explain better... though it is huge, the scary part is the ways are not safe, some are narrow, most ways are made with those steel tracks that have rusted over time

and feel like they could give way any minute... and that would matter... that would matter a great deal because some areas in this cave go so deep down that you can't see what's down there and the metal is your only support. Then there is the circular nightmare, my most feared part of the cave. Imagine you are in a high place and you're supposed to pass a circular narrow steel track with no support whatsoever except for a rope with some handles to hold on to as you walk across the wriggly metal curves that are not standing still by the way. they move around sometimes, so that knowing where to keep your feet might be tricky.

I did this before in my dreams and I believe I managed to pass it twice. I managed to do it with less fear because i thought the second time that I'll never have to come back here again. The family seemed to be excited about it and I kept wondering whether they knew what was at stake. Apparently they had an inkling and brought certain props to demonstrate. I found they even got a small version of the circular pathway. I thought I'd test myself on that. So I went on it with one of my step cousins in the bottom helping to move the paths around as I try to cross them. She was around 16 and was getting tired of moving things around because I was taking my sweet time passing very slowly. A fall from here might be just painful, a fall from the real thing would be my death. Because here at least I know I'm falling on solid ground that isn't too high. There I'm falling into a dark depth I cannot even see the end of. It's like realizing you just fell off an aeroplane. You would not want to live through the remainder of the fall wondering when you're going to hit the bottom.

So when I was too slow on the prop my step cousin got very impatient and her mom kept telling her to bear with it and give me a chance. She could see that I was scared and I could tell from my poor demonstration that she doubted I've actually ever been to the cave before. After stumbling a few times I fell. I fell on the ground and they laughed because I probably looked funny. But to me... figuring a mistake like that would mean I'm not fit to cross such an area a third time... I WILL die.

So why did I not say anything about how dangerous it was? Because I think they knew it was dangerous and I didn't want to sound like a pussy. Make sense?

But since this was a dream I suddenly appeared in the cave alone, out of nowhere. All by myself, no one was around me except when I paid attention, there was a white clad guy by the end of the circular path waiting for me. This time it was the real cave and I was a few paces away from the circular thing I JUST failed to pass the small version of a few minutes ago. I knew I couldn't go back because the rest of the path backwards isn't safe either. I had to grit my teeth and do it. But what was that guy doing there? He didn't smile at me or anything... if anything he gave me an evil stare.

The place behind the circular doom always used to look like laboratories. and the lights around were green. I just never knew people actually worked there still, so it was creepy. I thought I wanted to get this over with so I ignored him and held the handles on the hanging rope to start. My fear was genuine. I wanted to avoid falling by all costs. But did you think he just stood there watching? No, he started distracting me... I ignored.. a lot of things happened... maybe even flashbacks from the other times I crossed this path, and the people I used to be with... I believe I remembered their advices and hints on what to do when I wanted to cross this place again. I remember seeing a face of someone I dreamt of before.. It was a guy with shoulder length black hair... I remember I liked him, but there's no one in real life I know with that description so I assumed he was a figment of my imagination. After these flashbacks I found myself falling with my hand still holding the handles on the rope. I was determined not to let go. I failed to pass and now my only chance of survival was to keep holding on to the rope. so what did you think that white clad guy of whom I could only assume was a scientist or researcher was doing?... He was trying to cut off the rope. So I had to find a place to swing to . By swinging I got the rope out of his reach and landed in a weird place. Where? Apparently there was a war in the caves. And I landed on a windowsill of where they kept the weird species they made... those species were extremely huge and looked dangerous. One of them looked dinosaur-like and would have reached out to me if I didn't move to the other sill. I kept moving till I found another huge animal I could not describe. They all seemed to have wings or some sort of limb that would help them fly and I reached the last sill where I found other humans riding something that wasn't so frightening. they took me in. Turned out they were the Royal family of that area getting ready for war and asked me to join in. They resembled Prince Charles and his sons... don't get me wrong, they looked different and I never met any of them anyway, but they sort of resembled them in a way. How did my dream switch to this? I don't know. But I was glad I no longer faced the danger of falling.

The narrow paths might look something like this

That's when I woke up.

I tried to write all the details I could remember. The image of the cave is something I want to keep.

Sounds like a nightmare in a book doesn't it? Well I do have my exams this week and I do dread the outcome of this month since it's my last semester.... I think that is why I had this dream... and I don't feel like it will have a happy ending.

I will try to draw the scenes from my head the next time I have time.

Merlin (brief review)

I'm addicted to this newly discovered English series. Thanks to Violet >.>

seems like a retelling of the famous (King Arthur, sword in the stone, Merlin) chain of English folklore. And it's apparently being told in a different way this time.

Well leaving aside the magic and my love for fantasy... I also very much enjoyed the reality of the society it showed which I think is still going on now a days. Society ranks and how a servant's words aren't counted as much as a noble's as well as how they were treated. I could go on.

I just think it reflects many problems going on in real life. I'm curious how the story will carry on. I guess I'd recommend it to anyone. Cuz I luurrv it!

One of My First Lyrics (Time for You to Rise)

This song was meant for a manga/anime 'Alumni' that I'm trying to make.

I made up the words for 2 songs so far... All that's left is to turn them into ones which my friends and I will be working on. Here are the lyrics of the 2nd.
The first was a love melody 'I'm About to Fly'... I decided to share the second... it's a sort of combat music to which the Lyrics areee...

Do you feel the whisper in the air?
The melodies it sings
Get on your feet it says to you
Get on and spread your wings
These are the days for you to rise
And soar above the skies
It’s time for you to use your strength
And savour all your ties

Chorus

As far up as mountains reach
You will climb the angles steep
As far down as oceans go
You will dive to bottoms low
It is time for you to rise
Time to savour all your ties
It is time and time won’t stop
Not until you reach the top
Let us wipe out all those lies
It is time for you to rise

Do you see the thunderstorm?
Do you sense the hurricane?
You will have to walk it through
Through the wind and through the rain
Get on your feet they say to you
Get back on and spread your wings

Chorus


Thought I'd make it simple. Songs should be like that no? well when the music's done will post it here. :p

Dear Reader

I know I haven't updated my blog in a while. Truth is I've been busy designing it as you can see. (if you're using Internet Explorer you probably won't see what I mean since it for some reason doesn't show the background... I recommend firefox).

I've a few more things to do on this blog such as my music box and Links to My Manga blog.
So I'll be pending till I'm done with all that. Thank you for your patience :p

(Did any of that just sound like a phone operator... )

The Novelist's Tohru- coloured

This image was sketched by the Non-crowned Princess (here) in her blog and I felt like coloring it in since I liked the simple lines.

For the record Princess... the sketch itself was traced and I slightly changed a few angles and measurements for accuracy. I hope you don't mind.

Original Sketch

Traced

Coloured




BG Added

Of course the BG could be a lot better but I'm not fond of spending too much time on one thing.

What say you? Look anything like Tohru? :p
Hope you like it :)

I Will Get There...

An example of a heroine with stern eyes. One who never shed a tear in her endeavors. She still reaches out to her intended goal though it appears far out of her reach. Her torn clothes and worn out state of mind do not seem to affect her determination. Though she doubts she will get there, she still has a longing to do so. And this hand gesture and gaze mean that even though the chances are not in her favor, for some reason, the candle of hope still burns in her chest, making her determined not to give up.
"I will eventually reach you... One way or another..."

I was lucky to draw this expression... the sketch probably portrays her personality better because the coloring of the finished artwork is simple.
But it's the look on her face that I wanted to pass. They say actions speak louder than words...
This girl represented all the words I had in mind.

Luck Does Not Exist?

So apparently I hear luck does not exist. I'm curious to hear people's opinions on this. There was a discussion in the girl's dorm on whether there was such a thing as luck or not. I was completely with the fact that a person could get lucky and a friend retaliated with the fact that whatever happens happens due to coincidence, not luck. It was a very confusing discussion. Then another suggested for the word luck to be defined and I defined it as.

*Something good that happens that does not usually happen or that has a small chance of happening*

So what about the lottery? If I won a car tomorrow... I'd be considered lucky... others did not agree... they said it was coincidence... not luck. Because if a person bought 10 tickets and another bought 1 it's not necessary that the one who got 10 would win. He just has a higher chance of winning. I did not understand how that statement negates the existence of luck exactly. Cuz to me the person who gets the ticket in the end is the one who got lucky no matter how many tickets he bought.

I got torn in between and wasn't able to decide yesterday though.

However, I decided today that I still believe in luck. I believe luck exists because I am not the only one living on earth. There are other people as well. Which means I do not have power over everything... and the things I don't have power over... could either go with or against me according to how lucky I would get. (which means how many things would go with or against me) Luck does not label a person as a fortunate or unfortunate fellow. It's not a supernatural power... it's merely the definition above. And to me, the definition above DOES exist. If something good happens to you that does not usually happen it means you got lucky.
I believe yesterday's confusion was due to the wrong definition or interpretation of luck.
So I'll just agree to disagree.

What do you think?

Come for Auditions

So we're setting up a poster to announce the timings of auditions for several plays. My friend came up with Sam says... I want you. All that came up in my mind after that was a witch pointing and staring. So I drew the adorable lady down here.


sketch

^The sketch is up there if you're interested.

She says, 'we'll be waiting for you'...

so what do you think?
would she make you want to come for auditions? :p