Beauty is within the Eye of the Beholder?

To my readers: This is based on beauty and the superficial alone without regarding intellect, behavior or any other aspects that contribute to attractiveness. This is a journal about the superficial, which is also important.

'Beauty is within the eye of the beholder' is the biggest cliche and yet the most accurate description of the concept of beauty. In my observation of different cultures and through living in the moderately-sized city of Cologne, I found one definition to be true. I will tell you what it is before the end of this journal, but before getting there I have to state the process that gave me the answer and that I think every young person beating themselves up in our modern society (and on Instagram) should know. For those who do not wish to read the long reasons behind the answer, you can go straight to the answer marked below and think for yourself at what level it was proven true in your own life experience. 

You are also welcome to read my personal study in this journal.

How beauty is perceived is completely different from your standard model.The superficial society would look at a tall, slender, long-haired, symmetrical woman and categorize her as beautiful. It would also look at a muscular, well-trained, symmetrical, tall man with a beard nowadays, enough hair on his head and categorize him as handsome. While these attributes may be true to the average person (it's what defines standard beauty), there are other points of observation that we have completely ignored in our obsession to fulfill what mainstream culture dictates (no, I'm not talking about personality or the whole package deal... this journal is completely about outer appearance. I am discussing the superficial because it is important to discuss) 

These points that had nothing to do with standard beauty happened to me more than once. For example, when I was chatted up by those I believed to be out of my league, which confused me (I am not your conventional standard beauty) or when I heard comments like 'your hair is like my sister's'. They proved that there was something else I was ignoring that negated standard beauty altogether (I am not talking about personality even though it is a part of it, it is not the compensation that you believe it is). That's why I think it's important to share it, especially to models or young people trying to reach perfection in a superficial city.

Did you ever see a couple together, where he or she is attractive, and the other one is not? You automatically think of all the other possibilities of why these two came together, whether you admit it or not, you do. In some cases you would be right.

They include reasons such as: the other one probably had a great personality, or... the other one's rich, maybe an arranged marriage or the attractive one has low self-esteem. 

   If it's a woman, many think she's sick of immaturity and chose to settle for someone who may not be a model but is decent. Even though this case happens to men too. Parts of these arguments may be true (especially if the other person barely ever makes an effort to be presentable, it increases the likelihood of these thoughts). However, If we are judging someone who is just average in standard beauty in comparison:

 - these points may be completely wrong because all these arguments function under the assumption that it cannot be the other person's outer appearance that attracted him/her in the first place. It's because we never understood perceived beauty. Are you starting to understand the definition of beauty that I am getting at? 

It's not a cliche answer, it's a psychological one that will apply to each and every one of you. The first indication of it is when you find someone attractive (who may even match the standard beauty category) that completely does not agree with your friend's perception. That's when they use the phrase 'They're ok, they're just not my type.' 

How often did that happen to you and made you wonder how your friend could disagree?

 To understand what qualifies me: As someone who is a keen observer of people, I had perceived my surroundings as my personal social window to understanding them 'based on their decisions'. I have been doing this for years, and concluding the patterns, because that's where the answers lie. Anyone who knows me would know about Thuraya's weird social interactions. I had to admit that I was convinced of the mainstream ideology, and believed that if I trained more, grew my hair longer and fixed my imperfections, I would be more desirable and 'finally' beautiful (all my other beautiful aspects didn't count when there was a part of me I didn't like. I know many reading this know what I'm talking about). By the way, yes, obviously I would be more desirable! I am not negating any of that and I think anyone who does is living in denial. Working on your appearance is never a minus. I am not a poor ugly soul with a personal agenda of trying to convince the world to accept me or accept themselves. I do believe in and love the power of beauty (and yes I do value intellect, but for the sake of argument let us focus on the superficial. It's what this journal is about). I know I could find beauty in me, but I've gone through the failed experience of trying to be 'perfect'... which everyone knows does not end well, yet they still strive for it because it's better than doing nothing about it. Right?

Through that, their confidence is shattered when they believe they're failing or having a bad day, some even blaming it on their hormones, but the actual fact is, you are following an ideal that doesn't exist, and you're failing at it because the moment someone does not find you as attractive as someone else, you question your beauty and start from 0, requiring your friends to build your confidence back up again by telling you to ignore people like that etc. (it makes you feel a little better, but the fundamental problem is still there, and all you're thinking is, I'll work harder to prove them wrong)

 As someone who passed that stage of worry and finally gained confidence that seized to be affected by mainstream beauty, that is exactly what I want to address, because it's a misunderstanding of beauty's concept. That's why I think anyone going through this now needs to read this.  I am not writing this because I got myself out of the 'game' and accepted myself the way I am. That again, is ridiculous none-sense and another misconception. People who strive to be better are not going to just accept themselves and stop improving, nor should you. It's a lazy excuse.

The answer: 

The mainstream expectations are true... but (I cannot emphasize this enough) only to a certain extent. That is because there is a difference between mainstream beauty and perceived beauty. 

'If someone's perceived beauty is different from the mainstream, it overrules it.' 

Yes. Why? And why does it negate mainstream beauty? Because of this quote that I experimented on. It is from Sherlock. I was always a fan of the books, but this quote explained something crucial I observed as a pattern. 

Definition:

"Beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, influences and role models"

I tried applying this quote to myself and thought of all the people I believed were attractive or beautiful. Who did they resemble to me? Did they resemble people I grew up idolizing as a kid? Or people I was amazed by? The answer was yes. What amazed me in them were reasons other than appearance, but their appearance makes us associate people that look like them with them. Make sense?

If I was amazed by an uncle as a kid, or my parents, or by friends, or by friends of friends, chances are I will find people that look like them or have similar appearance features very attractive. They become the familiar. On the other hand if I found certain people disturbing as a kid, those who did not give me a good impression, I will find people that look different to them appealing. Think of that.  (Please remember to leave personality out of the people you know today when you are testing this theory. This is about beauty. 

Think of people that made an impression on you as a kid. People you idolized. You are allowed to think of personality here, that's what creates our first impressions as kids. Then tell me if those you find physically beautiful today resemble the admired ones of your past in any way. That's when you have your answer)

P.S. some of you may not have grown up with idols. You're the ones who are not attracted to specific types. But you will, because you're experiencing it still. 

Of course there are other aspects to beauty that have to do with aging that also applies to everyone, including the fact that our perceptions change. But that's a discussion for a another time.

Test that on yourself and gladly leave a comment.

___

My conclusion to all our youth in our modern age trying their best to reach for the stars and losing confidence in their appearance no matter what they do. Men and women that require constant outside validation. This is for you. This is the formula you should think about because mainstream will only help you to a certain level. It will however, shatter you if it is all the feedback that you rely on in the beauty world. The one you want to attract already has a perceived type of appearance they find attractive. If you do not resemble that type (I am not talking about being overweight and not caring for yourself... that you can change... sometimes you don't even have to, but for health reasons, should) I'm talking about those who already work hard on themselves, even though you work on your appearance and have reached a reasonable level, nothing you do with it (speaking superficially) will change his/her perception if they do not respond positively at that point (you could focus on other aspects at this point and stop blaming your appearance). There is no sense in believing you are not pretty or handsome, because this study proves that it is not about that, it is about that person's perception. If they do react positively, then take it as a given that you are their type and don't obsess over it. This is the time to work on personality instead.

 You may be appealing to one but completely not appealing to another, no matter how well trained and groomed you are. Master this formula, and superficial rejection will never affect you the same way again (unless it happens that often when people don't show any interest before knowing you, then revise the reasons). One person's perception is rarely about your overall beauty value. It is more about their own perceived beauty. You may not attract one person at some point in life, but you are going to thank the bejesus out of your genes for making you appealing to someone else that you admire. That's the beauty formula that should make you embrace who you are and work with it.

As Matthew Hussey said: 'I know that not everyone is my audience, that does not mean that I am not a good public speaker, it just means that not everyone is my audience.'

If anything, I hope this is what you take away from this.

Your social observer,

Thuraiya 

#beautydefinition #confidence #beauty #study #instagram #models

Artificial General Intelligence (AGI)

This is the second post regarding this topic. Whatever I write here has more to do with getting my thoughts straight than actually holding any arguments for or against.

Let's just say writing it down helps me keep track of my thoughts.

 I remember complaining about people who believed in robots that would be able to do as humans do and perhaps overrule them one day. I believed the speculation to be ridiculous. Reasons for that were basically the fact that they needed to be programmed by humans in the first place. Programming is basically a set of calculated formulas or codes that give out orders for the machine to carry out. I find the word calculated to be crucial here. To me humans have too much of a free will to be calculated. That is not how we seemed to function to me until my brother mentioned that maybe we (humans) are programmed as well. In the beginning my reaction was 'what in the blazes are you saying we're programmed?' I'm trying to lead a reasonable conversation here. Then it dawned on me.... genetic coding? Are we genetically programmed to act the way we do?

And if that is true, does that mean that our free will (decisions and choices) is limited? Is there only so much we can wish for? Or is our free will infinite? Or we ourselves biological robots?

I could wish for anything that could randomly pop up in my head right now. But perhaps the only things that would pop up are memories already registered. I could wish to jump like a frog, or be burried underground deep under the ocean, or wriggle like a scubbledubble (whatever that is). Or I could try wishing for something no human wished for before by being creative..skwiggle like a skiddlefiddle.  Just for the heck of it... just because I can. Or were those wishes programmed into me as well? Let's say my choices are finite and I would then not be able to wish for something I know nothing of... what I mentioned here were just word games and bringing letters together to form an unknown word. Again, nothing special. 

We apparently don't get born with a blank page waiting to be filled with experience but rather as a negative waiting to be produced to bring out the picture. To me that does make more sense...What if that means that all the choices we make or don't make are all a set of probabilities? What happens in me when I say to myself "My mind tells me to do this but my heart tells me otherwise"..Is it a mystery or simply a complicated thought process all stimulated by the mind? Why do I sometimes feel sad and not know how or where it's coming from? Does that mean I can actually control who I love? Or am I genetically programmed to love only certain types of people who meet my genetically preferred criteria? Or would anyone else manage to make me love them if they find out what the genetic formula built in me is? Perhaps love is not unpredictable as people think. 

Does a variety in choices and personalities necessarily negate this phenomenon? Or does it simply mean that the genetic coding in their bloodline developed differently from mine?

Does everything I do and say have a historical ancestory background? (Which means I would not be able to pull off anything my ancestors haven't pulled off before because it is not a part of my genetic code. And that the only evolution and progress I make becomes more apparent and developed due to the intermingling of different races (thus genetics)..which create new formulas, which render humans either more developed by time, but not in the meantime. Therefore we are a complex embodiment of codes.... codes that developed throughout millions of years. Civilisations lived and died to come to our point today. 

If our codings and choices truly are finite.... then I find it not at all impossible to create a digital equivalent. only instead of using food for fuel it would be using electricity. And maybe... just maybe. Once a formula could be thought of that understands the concept of our free will (that is) probability... a robot might be given estimations of its own. Which is only theoretically possible if it undergoes growing up and learning in time...just like we do. Am I beginning to understand the concept? ... Are robots beginning to sound more human?

Suddenly I'm thinking it's possible. Though the fact of our very being, our existence, our individuality. If that could truly be preserved by uploading our minds as Calum Chace imaginatively describes. If my sense of existence only comes to life if my individual neurons remain actively intact the way they always were. ... then perhaps I could be digitally reborn. Perhaps my brain neurons are as unique to me as my fingerprints. 

Perhaps there could be two of me.... this thought still needs to be processed in my head. 

Independent Artificial Intelligence

  Yes, I do believe Robots and the machine would be developed to assist Mankind to a certain degree (Or harm depending on how the machines are used), but for the last time and for the love of Pete my fellow humans, they will not develop their own sense of judgement or feelings. It is technically impossible, because the command: go out in the world and learn. Is too vague a command to give a machine. It is not the way the formulas work. Programmers can pitch in here as they like and explain the process if I failed to. 

  If you wish to give a robot the command to go out and learn (so that it would develop as a human), you'll also have to define the command 'learn'. What does learning entail? How will it be programmed to learn? If you program the machine to pick the right choice, there will have to be a set of rules it would have to be programmed on in order to make its decision. These rules are calculated, not blindly (randomly) picked through intuition (because that sort of thing cannot be instilled in a machine)(unless the commmand was pick randomly, but even then there is certain to be a probability formula involved)... not only because machines are technical material.. but because we humans ourselves do not know what feelings are or where they come from. 

I believe feelings come from the brain...and that the brain is a complex organ that still needs to be studied. But until the complexity of feelings is cracked, robots will not feel. End of story. 

Robots will calculate and be programmed to possess human-like qualities. But these qualities will be programmed qualities instilled into them by humans. Of course one would like to believe otherwise... humans never sieze to dream but well... try to be logical about it.

I just rolled my eyes enough in the past few weeks. I had to express my annoyance here.

A Question of the Soul

Before a few months I've had to undergo some sort of X-ray to check out whether I had any infections in the stomach and so on. That was the first time I've been put under anesthesia. The first time I experienced....nothing. Literally nothing, other than perhaps a few hints of what had been done to me by the time I woke up.
All I remember was hearing the Doctor say, 'and now...sweet dreams to you... 1...2...3..' and I was still there...or was I? I asked her... yes??? 1...2...3 what? (they were just standing there, so I asked)...what's supposed to happen?
I don't know whether the question baffled them, but they didn't answer until I asked: 'When's the X-ray going to begin?'
The nurse said: 'We're already done with the X-ray' And I go like...'what?? but I was awake the whole time.' After which she says: 'No you've been under anesthesia'

I understood the magnificence of this discovery of surgical anesthetics in 1846. Before, surgeries used to be performed without, which is a scenario I don't even want to imagine. So humour me for a moment when I start putting 1 and 1 together. Why is it that I felt nothing? Did I experience non-existence?
It was definitely not sleeping. It was a mock death. Not only because of the biological procedures that were being undertaken, but because the very aspect of time is negated. I did not feel myself go to sleep and wake up. I felt as if that very portion of time they used to X-ray me, was almost non-existent. Does that mean that time only exists when we do? And being dead would then mean, that time no longer is....

I ask you to humour me because it made me wonder. Just for the sake of argument lest any religious lunatic read this blog. It's always been a question whether the soul existed and was a seperate entity from the biological body. When they 'anesthetized' me, why did I not feel my existence, had I had a soul? The anesthesia is supposed to work biologically... not spiritually. So not being able to feel myself's existence at all..
Is it a hint that perhaps the soul does not exist?
Or would the religious argue that it did affect my soul?
Or would you say souls disappear with your consciousness?

I know no one can answer this philosophical search for the meaning of life. But I feel a part of the answer lies within the anesthetics. 

I Will Get There...

An example of a heroine with stern eyes. One who never shed a tear in her endeavors. She still reaches out to her intended goal though it appears far out of her reach. Her torn clothes and worn out state of mind do not seem to affect her determination. Though she doubts she will get there, she still has a longing to do so. And this hand gesture and gaze mean that even though the chances are not in her favor, for some reason, the candle of hope still burns in her chest, making her determined not to give up.
"I will eventually reach you... One way or another..."

I was lucky to draw this expression... the sketch probably portrays her personality better because the coloring of the finished artwork is simple.
But it's the look on her face that I wanted to pass. They say actions speak louder than words...
This girl represented all the words I had in mind.

Luck Does Not Exist?

So apparently I hear luck does not exist. I'm curious to hear people's opinions on this. There was a discussion in the girl's dorm on whether there was such a thing as luck or not. I was completely with the fact that a person could get lucky and a friend retaliated with the fact that whatever happens happens due to coincidence, not luck. It was a very confusing discussion. Then another suggested for the word luck to be defined and I defined it as.

*Something good that happens that does not usually happen or that has a small chance of happening*

So what about the lottery? If I won a car tomorrow... I'd be considered lucky... others did not agree... they said it was coincidence... not luck. Because if a person bought 10 tickets and another bought 1 it's not necessary that the one who got 10 would win. He just has a higher chance of winning. I did not understand how that statement negates the existence of luck exactly. Cuz to me the person who gets the ticket in the end is the one who got lucky no matter how many tickets he bought.

I got torn in between and wasn't able to decide yesterday though.

However, I decided today that I still believe in luck. I believe luck exists because I am not the only one living on earth. There are other people as well. Which means I do not have power over everything... and the things I don't have power over... could either go with or against me according to how lucky I would get. (which means how many things would go with or against me) Luck does not label a person as a fortunate or unfortunate fellow. It's not a supernatural power... it's merely the definition above. And to me, the definition above DOES exist. If something good happens to you that does not usually happen it means you got lucky.
I believe yesterday's confusion was due to the wrong definition or interpretation of luck.
So I'll just agree to disagree.

What do you think?

The Fruits of My Boredom and Lack of Respect

This is a poem I wrote during uni's most boring lecture given by the most boring professor.
Someone I recently lost respect for... why?
because I have a feeling I know more about the subject he's teaching than he does. All he ever did was read from the book and explain what he was reading in a very unprofessional and bad way. I actually believe some students would be able to explain things better than him.

As he was explaining something about the meaning of linguistic intuition. He only explained how linguistic intuition could be acquired... but he apparently couldn't explain or define what linguistic intuition was in the first place... I mean I KNEW what it was... but I wanted to see how he would explain it... so I asked. He answered with.... 'you get it after going through experience in a language'.... so I asked again by saying... I know how it's acquired... my question was... what IS it??
His answer then was.... 'This means you didn't read....'
Was asking for a simple definition too much to answer?? And perhaps people read but they don't understand?? Is it not his job to explain it?
It was obvious that he didn't know how to answer the question and went into something completely irrelevant. The other students realized that as well... since it was not the first time he blamed the students for not reading as an excuse for not having to answer the question.

Can I really learn from someone like that? Can I actually have any respect whatsoever towards him?
Unfortunately not...
to prove to you how easy answering that question is. linguistic intuition is having a feeling for a language after getting used to it. If someone used the wrong grammar in their sentences you would get a feeling that it sounds wrong even though you're not sure why. That's exactly what intuition for language is. And that's all it takes to explain it.

Anyway... I got bored... cuz I had no interest in reading through a book in class which I could read better by myself at home. So I wrote this poem to pass time instead

Here I sit and words fly by
Through one end and out the other
It's hard to hear those words that fly
They're more dull than rainy weather

I'm so bored, extremely bored
I may not wish to offend
Though he's writing on that board
I've no mind to comprehend

This is it, I've lost the will
To live and sit inside this room
I am going under hill
Bursting to escape this doom

I can't wait, but here I am
Counting seconds till the end
Finally I'm out and damn!
Now I know hell's latest trend!

TripleTee
2009

My Review on Atonement (spoiler)

So I watched Atonement since it was one of the movies I transferred from my friend's hard drive. I wanted to see what the big deal was about. I haven't exactly read the book. The movie however was not bad, it was somewhat boring in the middle but it was interesting. That is however not what I wanted to discuss. It's not how good the book or movie was... it's the message that was meant to be passed by the story.

True that girl made a terrible mistake and has forsaken those two's lives because of it. But what I'm going to criticize here is how she chose to atone for it. Does anyone think their mistakes will be forgiven if they write a fake story?? So she chose to write the story that DIDN'T happen but that she wished happened saying that she's giving them the time they deserved together. That sort of spoiled my view on the whole thing. She wanted to atone? Then she should spend her life trying to help other unlucky people who were not able to spend their lives together. Or actually do something good in real life that would rectify her wrongs in the past. Not by writing a fake story. That only makes HER feel good. No one else. It's all just pretty talk.

Anyway... felt like writing it here. lol
Course any opposing opinions are (somewhat) welcome :p
*unlocks her rifle*

Arabian Chronicles

Be warned: Long post
Be warned again: Vague and complex post, not easy to understand

Arabian Chronicles

The mood of writing about myself never struck me as something I would do even though the thought did cross my mind. I always found biographies too real to be interesting. That is until I figured that most fiction stories which left a mark in me were issues extracted from reality. How interesting it turned out depended on the writer and in what light people were willing to look at it. I am a daughter of many former dynasties and generations and yet more of a commoner than people believe. What I say or write are thoughts that are either too difficult to put into words or beyond my level to explain. I merely write at my own whim and I remain silent at my own whim all the same. I do not write to please nor upset those who read my words. I write to write. I write to state what is and what has become. I write to live and leave my mark on this world even after I am long gone. Something I believe many before me have done and are still doing now. I will not deny that I feel myself insignificant compared to many great lives that’ve caused so many changes in this world and I do not expect myself to reach their level. I’ve too much humility for that. However, the more I observe life the more I realize how we all go through the same stages. Those great figures now were just like me and you once upon a time. They thought like us, they lived and went through the same experiences we did. So what makes you or me any different? What makes you think that anyone no matter where they come from are any different?

The person I am today is very much like she was when she was born 22 years ago, only time and experience have changed the way I started viewing life. And in many cases I do not like what I see. Yet in many other cases I also do. What my experiences made me was an extreme feminist, revolutionist, humanist, and pacifist. It’s a constant battle that’s been going on for centuries. My mind’s gone numb from trying to find solutions to life’s problems. Understanding such disputes is not one of my strengths. But understanding humanity is. I know I’m not the only one with questions of why life is what it is. I know that what I write has most probably been thought of before by someone else. And I know for a fact now that no matter how many times I thought I was the only secluded weird girl, I was too blind to see that many others grew to share my views one way or another. So perhaps I’m not alone. Perhaps life’s outer appearance could be deceiving.

If I were to note down the reasons I chose to write this, I could not give a specific answer, because what I’m trying to pass on is a message that’s even puzzling to myself. This message can only be concluded by the reader. Every person sees things in a different light and may see something in what I write that I myself might not realize. There’s also a chance that this might never be read, but I’d like to have it exist nevertheless for myself. Because these thoughts merely stored in the back of my head are a torment. I’m on campus and things my side have been going well. However, certain sights over here sadden me. They’re issues in my country that may be worse in other countries. However as long as where I belong has these issues, it’s what concerns me the most. My ignorance of the past may give me no right to judge, but I know enough to see that something is not right. Histories spoke of kings and rulers throughout generations. I’ve barely heard of the other gender though, my gender. What were they like in my world? What must’ve happened to make them the way they are today?
I walk around here seeing nothing but black figures and I hate the fact that I am forced to walk around in the same manner. In these figures I see shame and lack of self confidence in every one of them; because they were made to believe that they were inferior. However what I also see in these figures are trapped birds trying to peck their cages open. I see birds that are prevented from flying and I ask myself why. Why did things turn out this way? What happened in the past to have caused women to be segregated from society and degraded to covered figures who’re in a constant battle of trying to prove their existence? As much as they try to deny it, I know that deep within no sane human would be happy to be in their shoes. I know this because I am one of them. The only difference between me and them is the fact that I refuse to accept it. Because I know something is wrong and this is not the way things are supposed to be. Why do they have to hide themselves behind black veils? What is wrong with who they are and why should they be ashamed to show themselves to the world? Are they not a part of this world? Did they not give birth to humanity? So in what way are they inferior?

My country has given them more rights than most other Arabian countries, but certain boundaries still exist and in rural areas conservative families exist more than I ever expected. Yet from what I observed, they’re not the only ones suffering from this. I’ve seen through the fact that men are suffering as well. Because believe it or not these limitations affect their lives too. That is not a sight I like watching. The images in my dreamy mind show a different picture. They show those black figures spring out of their cages into colourful phoenixes. They show the rebirth of females revealed exactly the way they are. And they show men by their side, interacting…. Not miles away from them until betrothed. It’s a harmonious image. It’s relaxing. It’s happy. It’s the real joy of being alive. It’s humane. It’s the world I’d like to be a part of. Somewhere where you are acknowledged is somewhere you belong. Because how could you belong to a place that doesn’t recognize your existence? Where do your allegiances lie? Could you really call that your home? Or do you call it that because you have no other choice? Do not pretend. I see through you. I am you. And you are me.
There are boundary issues related to this. Veils are but one barrier. Power is another. You live in the rule similar to the rule of the jungle. The rule that the stronger rules. But what is strength really? Is it strength of the body or strength of the heart? I see strength in those who endure injustice for so long and still find the will to live on. I see strength in those who never give up. And perhaps this attitude is the key to change. Perhaps the change that will make the images in my mind come true.

It is true that people do not do harm so proudly more than when they do it out of religious conviction. But you see, even the religious amateur in me can tell that religion is in no way the cause of this, it was merely used to carry out human motives. Used by most of those so called religious fakes who brainwash simpletons for their own objectives. And the result was this gloomy sight I see in front of me now as well as the false media of blaming it on religion. While on the other hand others completely ignore religious teachings according to their own fancy of following culture. On what level do they then call themselves Muslims? Refusing different stereotypes into families was a rule I did not see in our Islamic teachings. Those degraded females however don’t exactly have the choice to refuse to follow such blasphemies.
I was told by a friend once. That these rules are the only things Arabs have to be proud of. Culture… backgrounds. Because they lost their advanced selves from the past when technology in other countries overpowered them. But is clinging onto the past really the solution? We are a proud race. But I believe that as long as we live in this dark hole our pride is meaningless. We’ve lost our credibility which can only be retrieved by taking the challenge and focusing on the future. Not dwelling on the past. Do people really understand that? Or are they too busy refusing to copy others out of their own ego? Haven’t we been copied and overruled ourselves? Were we not the best in science ages ago? But these ideas were taken and improved by others? Because they know how to make use of their resources. So perhaps this shows that copying and learning from others is not a bad thing after all? You hold an unnecessary grudge against your rivals. You do not hold a high opinion of the west and yet secretly you admire them. Because they surpassed you. They’re advanced.. That’s why you Arabs do not want to acknowledge them. You’ve lost your confidence in believing in yourselves and chose the easy way out. This may be understandable. But it’s not your key to improvement. There will be no harm in copying them the same way they copied you. Learn from them the same way they learned from you. Surpass them the same way they surpassed you. But most importantly respect them the same way they respect you. I know some don’t. But those are not the ones you should be concerned with. They’re merely the uncivilized ignorants of the flock. Same as we have uncivilized ignorants in our flocks. Those are the ones that try to invite people into our religion as if their own religions are not good. And mind you we have many of those disrespectful people around. Remember that they are similar to you. They’ve grown up believing in their teachings just as much as you have grown up believing in yours. Do not be so ignorant as to enforce your beliefs on others. That’s the sort of disrespect no one appreciates. If you do not wish for people to make fun of your religion especially the reaction Denmark got from that comic. Then do not make fun of other religions. Those are my observations.

…. And that concludes my post for today.

Disturbance

So I apparently need anger management now. Why?... 2 incidents happened these few months...
both have to do with knowing how to deal with an insane sibling who finds pleasure in disturbing me. Contain my anger and manage it?... I'd rather manage him to be honest.
analyze this:

whenever you wake up in the morning and that sibling's around... you may be reading, watching a movie or studying (that's usually rare but during exams it's quite often)... but every time you do these things this sibling of yours (whenever he's around) would barge into the room and either walk around your desk to see what you're doing (which I usually never give him the chance)... or play with your things (whatever he gets his eyes on).. or simply stand there in front of you talking crap while you're not in the mood and trying to concentrate on something else... and if you don't give him a face or cuss him out.. he finds anything he could to blackmail you (in the hopes of teaching you a lesson to start respecting his sorry ass).
Now imagine telling him to leave you alone and he doesn't listen... then imagine moving up to the 2nd stage of telling him to butt off and he still doesn't listen. Take your imagination to the 3rd stage and think of this happening to you every day for a whole week...
I'm sorry what?... 6 years old?... no no... he's 23 years old... you heard me right...

what were the incidents that made my anger get out of control? once I gave him a zillion warnings to leave me alone and because I was not friendly to him, he cut off the internet from me using the excuse that I was not studying (which was never his business). I had to get him back somehow... and no one was around at home to show him his limits. The only thing I saw were a pair of shoes. His most expensive ones I guess. yes yes... I destroyed them... more like cut them. You think that's extreme? It gave me the results I wanted.
my dad wasn't happy about that but my bro was told to stop disturbing me ever since (1 incident)... the 2nd incident was yesterday... when I again gave him warnings and after a long time of stubbornness from his side I took anything I saw in the table and got ready to throw it at him. He knew I would do it so he walked away saying that he'd tell my dad about this.

I wonder if any of the readers have a brother like that... those who don't... I can only confess you're much better off without it.

Update (New Leaf)

Well, here's the new layout to make up for the previous mess... I'm not gonna say I like the simplicity, the only reason I made it simple was cuz I'm not familiar with the complex codings... so this'll do for now :p

What I have to display today is nothing new... I haven't been drawing for a long while now... locked up in trying to animate instead... and every animated sequence I make ends up in the bin. The simplest of them all were these...



but to think that I have to draw 24 sequences to make a movie of one second... sounded demotivating... however... to everything a beginning eh?

Find Me Back a Millenium

I wonder what to rant about this time. I'd consider this blog to be updated every once in a blue moon... and this time I just forced myself to bring it back to life once again...
so yeah... to update you on myself

- My next driving exam's on the 18th (national day...yeah... that better mean good luck)... actually come to think of it...wouldn't the policeman be pissed cuz he doesn't have a holiday like the rest???...I feel screwed.

- I keep hearing this dog bark outside... and it sounds damned annoying. (which has nothing to do with anything except that I felt like mentioning it)

- I feel a lot has changed in me... and in a way I like the changes... I've a dear friend to thank for that. Though I know I've undergone some times where I would experience changes in myself but this one was like from the bottom of the sea right up to the mountain top in a few months. That insecure me is gone... she simply disappeared XD... sorry? ..where to?... a black hole... who knows where she'll pop up in the other end.

-I know I kind of have less contact with some of my friends now a days... and I'm really sorry about that... but I will catch up with you guys some time soon. Do not think that you're forgotten. But I know you know that.

- I'm working on a surprise for The Exes fans out there... I'll say no more :p

- I am a moderator in EnglishSabla no longer... for those who were still wondering. Circumstances over there have not suited me and I decided leaving's the best thing to do. So yeah...being a mod is great and you're a star and wtever... but it about stops there... cuz anything behind the scenes is no big miracle I can assure you. Although patience and tolerance is required, even in that there's a limit. With uni and all, it was just not convenient. So good luck to all you future mods, do not be disheartened... it is fun while it lasts. (though between me and you... make sure your boss does not hold favours to others over others) cuz once that happens to you, working for someone like that would not be worth your efforts anymore) (and make sure you kick asses of those who deserve it... that's always fun :p )

- we have a new baby cat who's about as big as my fist. a black hairy ball. They called her Black Princess... I can't think of any worse name people come up with.

-Lastly, this is my last sketch... this girl here has a purpose mind you... you'll see her somewhere else sometime soon.


Hope you like it :)

Between Dreams & Reality

I've been told by someone before that those who live in dreams were people who weren't happy with reality. These words triggered in my mind and made me look around me to examine whether it was true. I couldn't find an answer but I did think that...
People who enjoyed life wouldn't be found near computer games or fantasy related topics. They would be more into documentaries, news, or things that go on in the real world and what they consider to be worthwhile. Those living in a fantasy tend to block their interest of reality.

I am like that. I dream my days away into creating an unknown fantasy habit I've picked from the endless games I played and how they changed the way I look at life. Later I started wanting this dream to become true. I wanted it to exist.

What would one think of it?... Useless?...
I was a bit let down when someone walked up to me once and saw me working on an artwork he said was useless. He asked how living in a world of my dreams would help me in real life and told me to wake up. So I started thinking of how I could make him see that being an artist or taking interest in fantasy illustrations is not useless... but I couldn't find an argument that would be convincing... it is merely a hobby... something I like doing... how I could make use of it can be listed in many ways...
Only some people may not realize the value of art as much as I or any other artist would... they would ask what IS it's value?...
What do you think?