Friday, November 11, 2016

Love/Life Coach (Matthew Hussey)

   Literally, the most learned, logical and intelligent guru I've come across, which is the reason he's successful I believe. This is not a post to promote Matthew Hussey, it's a post to project my thoughts on his views and what I learnt from him (which by the way I still only partly apply where I can in real life... shame on me, because I am momentarily in a learning process and in the wrong situation)

 The reason I am able to relate to Matthew is because I faced very similar situations to him, as a child, in the way I thought. The difference is, he managed to make something out of the lessons he learned and I got stuck in a loop not being able to get out of it because I had to get over many obstacles in my life first (not an excuse, it's what Arab girls have to go through, though I must admit, in comparison to many I consider myself privileged).
   One of the similar stages I went through was when I started writing my own novel. In one of his Youtube videos, Matthew mentioned wanting to be original and therefore not polluting his own originality by reading other books. I had the exact same thoughts when writing my fantasy novel 'The Exes', and I was 16 at the time. I was afraid to use other ideas because I was worried I would be accused of plagiarizing. Moreover, I wanted my story to be exclusive. I do not regret it, I mention this because I was literally surprised at Matthew's comments, that he was thinking the same way.

   Another thought is him analyzing the teenage mentality, that teenagers at some stage worry so much about what others think that they try to fit into the perceived ideals in school. It wasn't as bad as that in my school but it was still noticeable. If I went back to school (with the adult mind I have now), I do not think I would have been popular either way, because I would not be dealing with mature adults to begin with. Matt might have a different opinion but I feel the environment you live in has a way of slightly forcing you to adapt in order to avoid conflict. That was one of my problems. I resent unnecessary conflict, especially those concerned with my own personal life and me constantly having to justify what I'm doing or why I do what I do, especially in the Arab world. There is a slight difference in culture here, since this may not be an issue in the west. People do whatever they feel like doing and when they misbehave they are given genuine reasons why it is not ok to act in a certain way (e.g. because it hurts people, because it's not polite, because it's counter-productive, because you won't grow from it...etc.) I consider all those good reasons not to do something. The moment one says, (because people will say this about you,  because you have to remain low-profile, because the culture looks down on such things, because you are the soul person responsible for your family's reputation), that is when you shut down. It gives no way to opinion, you may have an opinion but you are not allowed to act on it.

   I know I think independently, and this sort of resentment builds up in someone who constantly has to play pretend, But that is not what this post is about. It's about the psychological effect this creates when one is forced within a long period of time. You get scared internally so that even when you are no longer in that environment, you are psychologically programmed to still believe that other people's opinions hold high value. You become your own prison. This happened to me.... me... the person I thought thinks independently. At least I thought I did. I realized I was pulled into a situation I did not want to and most importantly (did not need to) be in, simply because I was scared of conflict and what someone else may think. Now I am momentarily stuck and the resentment is building up in me again.
   I wanted this to be an eye-opener to anyone stuck in a loop. Do not believe that holding low profile until the time is right would not affect you in the long run. It is important to be aware of that, because it's something the west cannot relate to. It is the environment Arabs live in due to the rules in their culture. You are a still developing country, you are 100 years back in some respects whether you wish to admit it or not. And it is not just women who are forced to adapt but men too.

   Matt is sadly hard to reach from a distance but his rules of achieving core confidence is something I still have to learn.
I  just felt like writing this personal note to myself.

Good day to you all.

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