An example of a heroine with stern eyes. One who never shed a tear in her endeavors. She still reaches out to her intended goal though it appears far out of her reach. Her torn clothes and worn out state of mind do not seem to affect her determination. Though she doubts she will get there, she still has a longing to do so. And this hand gesture and gaze mean that even though the chances are not in her favor, for some reason, the candle of hope still burns in her chest, making her determined not to give up. "I will eventually reach you... One way or another..."
I was lucky to draw this expression... the sketch probably portrays her personality better because the coloring of the finished artwork is simple. But it's the look on her face that I wanted to pass. They say actions speak louder than words... This girl represented all the words I had in mind.
So apparently I hear luck does not exist. I'm curious to hear people's opinions on this. There was a discussion in the girl's dorm on whether there was such a thing as luck or not. I was completely with the fact that a person could get lucky and a friend retaliated with the fact that whatever happens happens due to coincidence, not luck. It was a very confusing discussion. Then another suggested for the word luck to be defined and I defined it as.
*Something good that happens that does not usually happen or that has a small chance of happening*
So what about the lottery? If I won a car tomorrow... I'd be considered lucky... others did not agree... they said it was coincidence... not luck. Because if a person bought 10 tickets and another bought 1 it's not necessary that the one who got 10 would win. He just has a higher chance of winning. I did not understand how that statement negates the existence of luck exactly. Cuz to me the person who gets the ticket in the end is the one who got lucky no matter how many tickets he bought.
I got torn in between and wasn't able to decide yesterday though.
However, I decided today that I still believe in luck. I believe luck exists because I am not the only one living on earth. There are other people as well. Which means I do not have power over everything... and the things I don't have power over... could either go with or against me according to how lucky I would get. (which means how many things would go with or against me) Luck does not label a person as a fortunate or unfortunate fellow. It's not a supernatural power... it's merely the definition above. And to me, the definition above DOES exist. If something good happens to you that does not usually happen it means you got lucky. I believe yesterday's confusion was due to the wrong definition or interpretation of luck. So I'll just agree to disagree.
So we're setting up a poster to announce the timings of auditions for several plays. My friend came up with Sam says... I want you. All that came up in my mind after that was a witch pointing and staring. So I drew the adorable lady down here.
I finally started writing the first chapter of the second sequel to The Exes. I thought I might share the prologue here. Those who read the first one will recognize the characters. Those who haven't however will understand the story later on anyway.
Prologue From The Past
Across azure skies a bunch of tiny leaves drifted into emptiness and solitude. Neither sound of breath nor feel of existence were evident. Yet past its eerie atmosphere a spark of light found its way through withered ruins. Bright and beautiful as a river of shining pearls, water springs flowed around an old room that was long forgotten. The rays fell over faded pages and blunt edges. As discolored as the papers were, in it so vaguely the words appeared. Every page filled with memory. Every page filled with legends hardly spoken of.
Those inscriptions marked earlier times; an age before many generations. It was the ancient history of when Exes and humans used to cross similar paths. When conflicts did not take place, until human greed overclouded their minds. Dust and ash got swept from the pages as the wind blew by. The words written, now appearing more clearly, read:
October, 1701 AD
There have been many sleepless nights. The fires burnt higher and the cries of the two races could still be heard from a distance. I sat huddled on my chair with a nearly overused smoking pipe. How did it come to this? Events have taken a turn beyond my better judgment. Why did it come to this?
They speak of humanity, of freedom, and here they pretend to fight for it. Was it just my illusion or was that a mask to obscure their true objective? Where have the friendships and fellowships gone? Where has the blissful unity gone?
This is something far from all of that. Lord Agean started a massacre that should not have been. The Exes showed nothing but kindness to us. They looked to our every whim and well being. To what extent did this greed take us?
By edge of axe the Exes were gradually annihilated. I spoke to Vladimir with such shame. He was alert and watchful, hiding in my hut. His eyes struck with fear. His youth bore all the signs of the Ex race. I knew his presence here was no longer safe and I watched him with sympathy. I saw in him such a nobility that humans were not worthy of. His dead silence showed his agony and despair.
“What’s going on Master Sage?” said he with a saddened voice of a helpless child. “Why are we fighting?”
“I could give you a reason my boy, but it would not be a just one,” said I, all sorts of passion and hatred passing through me. “It’s not safe for you to stay here any longer Vladimir.”
The young Ex slightly nodded his head in understanding, looking silently out of the window, his eyes stained with tears at the sight of his hometown.
November, 1702 AD
It had already been a few months since the Exes vanished. My heart skipped a few beats at the thought of their extinction and I prayed to god for the young Ex to be safe. Then coming events changed the course of time and I stumbled across a map that concealed within a clue I was not aware of. A sacred crescent they said held the silhouette of what looked like an orb. The engravings were deep and the paper seemed to have been torn carelessly out of a book from the lord’s cabin. I retraced the tracks and retreated to the library. What may seem insignificant to the eye bore a great purpose, and from the descriptions that followed the map, I knew this war was not over.
End of Prologue. The story barely started yet. But I always tend to speak of the past before I head to the present. I'll leave the rest to your imagination and the book.
This is a poem I wrote during uni's most boring lecture given by the most boring professor. Someone I recently lost respect for... why? because I have a feeling I know more about the subject he's teaching than he does. All he ever did was read from the book and explain what he was reading in a very unprofessional and bad way. I actually believe some students would be able to explain things better than him.
As he was explaining something about the meaning of linguistic intuition. He only explained how linguistic intuition could be acquired... but he apparently couldn't explain or define what linguistic intuition was in the first place... I mean I KNEW what it was... but I wanted to see how he would explain it... so I asked. He answered with.... 'you get it after going through experience in a language'.... so I asked again by saying... I know how it's acquired... my question was... what IS it?? His answer then was.... 'This means you didn't read....' Was asking for a simple definition too much to answer?? And perhaps people read but they don't understand?? Is it not his job to explain it? It was obvious that he didn't know how to answer the question and went into something completely irrelevant. The other students realized that as well... since it was not the first time he blamed the students for not reading as an excuse for not having to answer the question.
Can I really learn from someone like that? Can I actually have any respect whatsoever towards him? Unfortunately not... to prove to you how easy answering that question is. linguistic intuition is having a feeling for a language after getting used to it. If someone used the wrong grammar in their sentences you would get a feeling that it sounds wrong even though you're not sure why. That's exactly what intuition for language is. And that's all it takes to explain it.
Anyway... I got bored... cuz I had no interest in reading through a book in class which I could read better by myself at home. So I wrote this poem to pass time instead
Here I sit and words fly by Through one end and out the other It's hard to hear those words that fly They're more dull than rainy weather
I'm so bored, extremely bored I may not wish to offend Though he's writing on that board I've no mind to comprehend
This is it, I've lost the will To live and sit inside this room I am going under hill Bursting to escape this doom
I can't wait, but here I am Counting seconds till the end Finally I'm out and damn! Now I know hell's latest trend!
So I watched Atonement since it was one of the movies I transferred from my friend's hard drive. I wanted to see what the big deal was about. I haven't exactly read the book. The movie however was not bad, it was somewhat boring in the middle but it was interesting. That is however not what I wanted to discuss. It's not how good the book or movie was... it's the message that was meant to be passed by the story.
True that girl made a terrible mistake and has forsaken those two's lives because of it. But what I'm going to criticize here is how she chose to atone for it. Does anyone think their mistakes will be forgiven if they write a fake story?? So she chose to write the story that DIDN'T happen but that she wished happened saying that she's giving them the time they deserved together. That sort of spoiled my view on the whole thing. She wanted to atone? Then she should spend her life trying to help other unlucky people who were not able to spend their lives together. Or actually do something good in real life that would rectify her wrongs in the past. Not by writing a fake story. That only makes HER feel good. No one else. It's all just pretty talk.
Anyway... felt like writing it here. lol Course any opposing opinions are (somewhat) welcome :p *unlocks her rifle*
Zorac's a character from my story, the 2nd sequel to The Exes. A book that happens to be about 2 races, namely humans and Exes ( a race of my imagination). According to the story's past history Zorac was the father of all Exes and Eleanor was the mother of all Humans. Of course the events in the first book will be further explained in the second. Things that seemed mysterious and puzzling to the readers will be explained in the second sequel. And the history of Zorac and Eleanor is where it all started.
I drew the first draft of Zorac 3 years ago. (displayed below)
Be warned: Long post Be warned again: Vague and complex post, not easy to understand
Arabian Chronicles
The mood of writing about myself never struck me as something I would do even though the thought did cross my mind. I always found biographies too real to be interesting. That is until I figured that most fiction stories which left a mark in me were issues extracted from reality. How interesting it turned out depended on the writer and in what light people were willing to look at it. I am a daughter of many former dynasties and generations and yet more of a commoner than people believe. What I say or write are thoughts that are either too difficult to put into words or beyond my level to explain. I merely write at my own whim and I remain silent at my own whim all the same. I do not write to please nor upset those who read my words. I write to write. I write to state what is and what has become. I write to live and leave my mark on this world even after I am long gone. Something I believe many before me have done and are still doing now. I will not deny that I feel myself insignificant compared to many great lives that’ve caused so many changes in this world and I do not expect myself to reach their level. I’ve too much humility for that. However, the more I observe life the more I realize how we all go through the same stages. Those great figures now were just like me and you once upon a time. They thought like us, they lived and went through the same experiences we did. So what makes you or me any different? What makes you think that anyone no matter where they come from are any different?
The person I am today is very much like she was when she was born 22 years ago, only time and experience have changed the way I started viewing life. And in many cases I do not like what I see. Yet in many other cases I also do. What my experiences made me was an extreme feminist, revolutionist, humanist, and pacifist. It’s a constant battle that’s been going on for centuries. My mind’s gone numb from trying to find solutions to life’s problems. Understanding such disputes is not one of my strengths. But understanding humanity is. I know I’m not the only one with questions of why life is what it is. I know that what I write has most probably been thought of before by someone else. And I know for a fact now that no matter how many times I thought I was the only secluded weird girl, I was too blind to see that many others grew to share my views one way or another. So perhaps I’m not alone. Perhaps life’s outer appearance could be deceiving.
If I were to note down the reasons I chose to write this, I could not give a specific answer, because what I’m trying to pass on is a message that’s even puzzling to myself. This message can only be concluded by the reader. Every person sees things in a different light and may see something in what I write that I myself might not realize. There’s also a chance that this might never be read, but I’d like to have it exist nevertheless for myself. Because these thoughts merely stored in the back of my head are a torment. I’m on campus and things my side have been going well. However, certain sights over here sadden me. They’re issues in my country that may be worse in other countries. However as long as where I belong has these issues, it’s what concerns me the most. My ignorance of the past may give me no right to judge, but I know enough to see that something is not right. Histories spoke of kings and rulers throughout generations. I’ve barely heard of the other gender though, my gender. What were they like in my world? What must’ve happened to make them the way they are today? I walk around here seeing nothing but black figures and I hate the fact that I am forced to walk around in the same manner. In these figures I see shame and lack of self confidence in every one of them; because they were made to believe that they were inferior. However what I also see in these figures are trapped birds trying to peck their cages open. I see birds that are prevented from flying and I ask myself why. Why did things turn out this way? What happened in the past to have caused women to be segregated from society and degraded to covered figures who’re in a constant battle of trying to prove their existence? As much as they try to deny it, I know that deep within no sane human would be happy to be in their shoes. I know this because I am one of them. The only difference between me and them is the fact that I refuse to accept it. Because I know something is wrong and this is not the way things are supposed to be. Why do they have to hide themselves behind black veils? What is wrong with who they are and why should they be ashamed to show themselves to the world? Are they not a part of this world? Did they not give birth to humanity? So in what way are they inferior?
My country has given them more rights than most other Arabian countries, but certain boundaries still exist and in rural areas conservative families exist more than I ever expected. Yet from what I observed, they’re not the only ones suffering from this. I’ve seen through the fact that men are suffering as well. Because believe it or not these limitations affect their lives too. That is not a sight I like watching. The images in my dreamy mind show a different picture. They show those black figures spring out of their cages into colourful phoenixes. They show the rebirth of females revealed exactly the way they are. And they show men by their side, interacting…. Not miles away from them until betrothed. It’s a harmonious image. It’s relaxing. It’s happy. It’s the real joy of being alive. It’s humane. It’s the world I’d like to be a part of. Somewhere where you are acknowledged is somewhere you belong. Because how could you belong to a place that doesn’t recognize your existence? Where do your allegiances lie? Could you really call that your home? Or do you call it that because you have no other choice? Do not pretend. I see through you. I am you. And you are me. There are boundary issues related to this. Veils are but one barrier. Power is another. You live in the rule similar to the rule of the jungle. The rule that the stronger rules. But what is strength really? Is it strength of the body or strength of the heart? I see strength in those who endure injustice for so long and still find the will to live on. I see strength in those who never give up. And perhaps this attitude is the key to change. Perhaps the change that will make the images in my mind come true.
It is true that people do not do harm so proudly more than when they do it out of religious conviction. But you see, even the religious amateur in me can tell that religion is in no way the cause of this, it was merely used to carry out human motives. Used by most of those so called religious fakes who brainwash simpletons for their own objectives. And the result was this gloomy sight I see in front of me now as well as the false media of blaming it on religion. While on the other hand others completely ignore religious teachings according to their own fancy of following culture. On what level do they then call themselves Muslims? Refusing different stereotypes into families was a rule I did not see in our Islamic teachings. Those degraded females however don’t exactly have the choice to refuse to follow such blasphemies. I was told by a friend once. That these rules are the only things Arabs have to be proud of. Culture… backgrounds. Because they lost their advanced selves from the past when technology in other countries overpowered them. But is clinging onto the past really the solution? We are a proud race. But I believe that as long as we live in this dark hole our pride is meaningless. We’ve lost our credibility which can only be retrieved by taking the challenge and focusing on the future. Not dwelling on the past. Do people really understand that? Or are they too busy refusing to copy others out of their own ego? Haven’t we been copied and overruled ourselves? Were we not the best in science ages ago? But these ideas were taken and improved by others? Because they know how to make use of their resources. So perhaps this shows that copying and learning from others is not a bad thing after all? You hold an unnecessary grudge against your rivals. You do not hold a high opinion of the west and yet secretly you admire them. Because they surpassed you. They’re advanced.. That’s why you Arabs do not want to acknowledge them. You’ve lost your confidence in believing in yourselves and chose the easy way out. This may be understandable. But it’s not your key to improvement. There will be no harm in copying them the same way they copied you. Learn from them the same way they learned from you. Surpass them the same way they surpassed you. But most importantly respect them the same way they respect you. I know some don’t. But those are not the ones you should be concerned with. They’re merely the uncivilized ignorants of the flock. Same as we have uncivilized ignorants in our flocks. Those are the ones that try to invite people into our religion as if their own religions are not good. And mind you we have many of those disrespectful people around. Remember that they are similar to you. They’ve grown up believing in their teachings just as much as you have grown up believing in yours. Do not be so ignorant as to enforce your beliefs on others. That’s the sort of disrespect no one appreciates. If you do not wish for people to make fun of your religion especially the reaction Denmark got from that comic. Then do not make fun of other religions. Those are my observations.
Finallyyy! I was almost dying a slow death back there. Even though I was pretty much ready my nerves got the better of me and I ended up shaking. I never thought I was the type to fret over exams because I hardly ever do when it comes to paperwork. But it seems like this time panic just rushed out of me. If I haven't been used to driving already due to the countless practices I had, I would've had a problem. But luckily for the first time luck was on my side. I made no mistakes this time and I could tell the policeman was pleased with my performance. I'm officially a light vehicle driver just like all of you who have the license and are reading this now. :D
So I've always wanted a flute when I was young... and before a few days I finally got a silver one. It was a present from a charming French Lady and am almost quite sure it's quite an instrument. I hope to master it if just a little. it wasn't easy to play at first but I think I'm getting the hang of it.
Takes a lot of practice though.
III don't caree... what matters now's I got a fluuute... so yeah.... where's C sharp again?? XD
I don't think such a thing exists with kids. It never really mattered before cuz I only shared drawings for the heck of it. Lately I haven't been seeing my friends that often to work with so I wanted the public opinion to see if in their eyes my drawings have improved. That was a big mistake. All I ever got was... awww that's nice.. orr... good stuff. I could tell either they didn't mean it or those are not grown ups commenting. It never mattered when I didn't need it... but it's starting to get annoying. Every time I enter a thread hoping to hear something useful all I get is a routine of nices and good jobs (which I think most just write to be polite)... I've decided to stop sharing there.
I was gonna ask about which forum or place to visit in order to get constructive comments from those who know what they're talking about. Well if anyone knows plz share.
In case you were wondering what I was talking about. The drawings are here. I know what I said up there would make you readers afraid to comment now... but feel free.. this is my blog.. wont be expecting constructive comments here XD... lol.. here I only share for memoirs as a diary.
Guess I'm just in love with this song. lol Naruto Shippuuden almost rules all on my list.
Lyrics:
You've gotta be extra careful with The things that are close and dearest to you You know the closer you get to something The tougher it is to see it Explain to me all my happiness That you just experienced by my side Or maybe you're so blessed in ways that You can't even remember it all That you are standing here with me That you live and breathe and see and feel They're all little miracles and wonder Just by themselves. You've gotta be extra careful with The things that are close and dearest to you You know the closer you get to something The tougher it is to see it
You know the closer you get to something The tougher it is to see it And I'll never take it for granted It's fine to say "Never give up" Say "Keep chasing your dreams on But the more time you spend talking big The less you get done with life I'll let that handful of courage in my heart Help me survive another day And I'll never take it for granted
Guess the best thing I like about Japanese is their Morals.
Long ago I never thought this would be an issue... but now every time I see a kid wearing the outfit you see above... or every time I hear someone mention they were practicing the Martial Arts... a surge of immense jealousy suddenly sprouts out from inside me... I start feeling down for a long time after that... I've always wanted to learn the Martial Arts as a kid, but I never got the chance... 1. cuz I didn't try to convince my dad when I was young. and 2. now that I'm a grown up and these martial arts are usually taught by men... I'm afraid I won't be allowed to... plus... I might be too old with 22 to start now...
So I apparently need anger management now. Why?... 2 incidents happened these few months... both have to do with knowing how to deal with an insane sibling who finds pleasure in disturbing me. Contain my anger and manage it?... I'd rather manage him to be honest. analyze this:
whenever you wake up in the morning and that sibling's around... you may be reading, watching a movie or studying (that's usually rare but during exams it's quite often)... but every time you do these things this sibling of yours (whenever he's around) would barge into the room and either walk around your desk to see what you're doing (which I usually never give him the chance)... or play with your things (whatever he gets his eyes on).. or simply stand there in front of you talking crap while you're not in the mood and trying to concentrate on something else... and if you don't give him a face or cuss him out.. he finds anything he could to blackmail you (in the hopes of teaching you a lesson to start respecting his sorry ass). Now imagine telling him to leave you alone and he doesn't listen... then imagine moving up to the 2nd stage of telling him to butt off and he still doesn't listen. Take your imagination to the 3rd stage and think of this happening to you every day for a whole week... I'm sorry what?... 6 years old?... no no... he's 23 years old... you heard me right...
what were the incidents that made my anger get out of control? once I gave him a zillion warnings to leave me alone and because I was not friendly to him, he cut off the internet from me using the excuse that I was not studying (which was never his business). I had to get him back somehow... and no one was around at home to show him his limits. The only thing I saw were a pair of shoes. His most expensive ones I guess. yes yes... I destroyed them... more like cut them. You think that's extreme? It gave me the results I wanted. my dad wasn't happy about that but my bro was told to stop disturbing me ever since (1 incident)... the 2nd incident was yesterday... when I again gave him warnings and after a long time of stubbornness from his side I took anything I saw in the table and got ready to throw it at him. He knew I would do it so he walked away saying that he'd tell my dad about this.
I wonder if any of the readers have a brother like that... those who don't... I can only confess you're much better off without it.
So I've been addicted to this online game for the past few months... Checking it out will show you why (the link's on the title)... everything in it is beautiful. Perhaps that's why it's called perfect world...
apparently many adults play it... I don't just mean highschool and university students but people over 30 years and 40 too XD... I'm not sure what to think of that... but there's a variety. I think it's a Chinese company that made it... I was expecting Japanese...
And these images are not exaggerated... the game actually is as good as it looks. It's just hard to level up XD
These are my screenshots with the different Characters I made... my best one is Selabur.. only one that reached up to lvl 40 so far...
what I liked the most is the ability to alter almost everything in your character's appearance to make them look exactly the way you want them and almost make them look like yourself.
Was fooling around and posing for the screenshot here...
made a hot guy like this to see what it's like playing as a guy in the game. I must admit he did attract the girls XD
course there're a lot more things to show but I guess this gives the main idea... it's a hard thing not to get addicted to.
Some edited FFIX video and song that a girl called Kate Covington wrote and displayed on Youtube... I sort of liked it and decided to share it here. The video quality is kind of low unfortunately... but her lyrics are staggering to me. Nice and simple.
P.S. Other FF female character are beautiful but I find Princess Garnet the cutest so far.
Just how good is this program really?... or should I say that depends on the artist who uses it?
Here's a little example on tracing in illustrator that I tried... well it was supposed to be a tutorial but since I'm out of that phase I decided to post it here just to show.
One thing you should know about me that may either be good or bad... I hate copying or tracing anything from real life... it's not interesting enough for me... cuz it's right there... why have a painting of something that already exists in a much better form than you can ever paint it? Just take a picture....
It is good because I can go far with my imagination... but... what's bad about me thinking this way... is that my imagination does not become real enough... and to make it real and fitting.. I'm unfortunately forced to copy from life... otherwise my characters will turn out like this...
To sum it up... it is like looking through realism in order to carry on my fantasy... essential... because what gives a good art its quality... is when you make it look real and convincing. This is one of the ways I was trying to get there:
Well, here's the new layout to make up for the previous mess... I'm not gonna say I like the simplicity, the only reason I made it simple was cuz I'm not familiar with the complex codings... so this'll do for now :p
What I have to display today is nothing new... I haven't been drawing for a long while now... locked up in trying to animate instead... and every animated sequence I make ends up in the bin. The simplest of them all were these...
but to think that I have to draw 24 sequences to make a movie of one second... sounded demotivating... however... to everything a beginning eh?
So I started one of my intended practices... I wanted to start modeling and started reading tutorials on Maya. Since I have Maya 8 I downloaded and ebook on all references related to it. Let's just say the guy made it sound so easy... I never thought I'd be able to model in Maya but I guess this raised my confidence a bit..here are some results.
Just the beginning I guess... hopefully I'll show you better models in the future.
Yesterday Oman won the gulf cup 2009 for the first time ever. The match was nerve wrecking... I've not seen a more challenging football game in so long since no goals were made and the match dragged on to the last 5 times 11 metre kicks. But both teams have played very well and KSA's walls were not easily breached... I could see some players were nervous and too much depended on the penalty kicks... how the players managed to hold their own was quite a ticket to watch. I've heard KSA is not an easy team to beat... but Oman has shown outstanding levels, especially since they have been trying for the past 2 times to get the cup and always ended up 2nd... the 3rd time should not pass unwon was the goal... and a goal well achieved. So congratulations to the red team and all the best of luck to KSA in the coming 2 years, which I hear will take place in Yemen.
May I wish our team good luck as well by then... and once again... Mabrookeen ya Oman! :)
Tagged by diablo :D my favorite shoes...... this would be it... only I'd advise anyone who wears these not to go somewhere where they have to walk a lot XD
I know the image is blurry... but who cares the shoes are awesome :p
Just wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year and many new years to come!!
This year's resolution's... difficult to decide... there are things I want to achieve obviously... but they all take longer than a year to achieve...lol so I guess I'll go for the basics I plan to:
-Finish my website -Finish writing my second sequel to The Exes -Physically improve my fitness -Be more attentive -Exceed in my grades -Get my license (that's right...still have a test to do) -be more outspoken -be there for my loved ones -learn to follow what I want most
That's all I could think of for now... I'm sure there are more in the back of my head. I am actually half asleep while writing this... so I guess I'll state all I achieved this year when I'm more awake.
